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PreSchool NewsParenting Information DO YOU HAVE AN OVER-DEVELOPED GUILT GLAND? If you feel bad when your child says things like: "You don't love me, you never give me what I want!", or "You always spoil my fun," or, "Other mothers would never do that!", then maybe you have an over-developed guilt gland. I have always maintained that when parents feel guilty, whether for good reason or because they have been manipulated, their children are in charge, calling the shots, often getting what they want. We need to turn this thing called guilt on its head for our own good let alone that of our child. Australian parenting expert, Michael Grose, says that guilt can be healthy if it causes you to make better decisions in the best interests of your child, but it's not healthy if it's debilitating, leads to over-indulging your child or lowering your expectations of your kids to compensate for whatever it is you are feeling guilty about. And of the guilt gland, he says, "The more you feel guilty the harder they'll squeeze!" He recommends that you smile and say something like, "You know, you may be right! I never thought of that." This will take the wind right out of their sails and they'll let go of your guilt gland in a flash. It would seem that mothers are at risk of having an over-developed guilt gland while fathers have an under-sized one, which is why dads are usually harder to manipulate than mums. This is one of the reasons why I always advise mums of children who are battling to settle at school to switch places and get dad to do the morning drop off for the first few weeks. Manipulation doesn't wash nearly as easily with dads precisely because their guilt gland is less sensitive and doesn't twitch at the slightest wail or comment – yet another reason why both mums and dads are important in their child's development. NIKKI BUSH Creative parenting expert, inspirational speaker and co-author of Future-proof Your Child (Penguin, 2008), and Easy Answers to Awkward Questions (Metz Press, 2009) nikki@brightideasoutfit.co.za www.nikkibush.com